


it's quite alright to hate me now

by hyuckleberryfinn



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Band Break Up, Band Fic, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-10 02:49:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16461959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyuckleberryfinn/pseuds/hyuckleberryfinn
Summary: HyuckHaechanDonghyuck leaves the band. Mark tries to pick up the pieces.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi! starting fresh with this one. not beta'd at all and written in the space of a couple of hours at 3am so please be gentle (will probs come back to edit)

**D(55)**

Mark is at beach and he reaches into the water. Something light, sleek passes by, slipping out of his grasp by a hair, and he feels his hands close in on nothing. Is is a dolphin? He can hear it now, and the noise gets louder and louder and it’s screeching in his ear? Mark tries to flinch away and Oh. He’s dreaming. And that’s-

 

Mark pushes Chenle off, just as the blinds in his room are pulled open. Mark whimpers a little at the onslaught of light and sound on his tired, worn out senses.

 

“Oh, Christ. He’s really out of it.” That was Jisung’s voice. Huh. He’s not supposed to be here.

 

A great weight crashes down on Mark again, hot breath fanning over his ear, smelling faintly eggy. “If you don’t get up, Jaemin will literally pull you out of bed,” Chenle stage whispers, sounding a little too interested in the prospect.

 

Mark almost jumps out of his own skin in his haste to sit up. The prospect of Jaemin strong-arming him? Last time that happened Donghyuck banged his head hard enough on the linoleum to-

 

Mark clutches at his head, trying to fight down the sudden wave of nausea. He can’t help but think that it wasn’t all movement related though.

 

Renjun chooses that moment to walk in. “Holy shit.” Mark hasn’t had this much judgment thrown this way by Renjun since they decided to go as Chewing Gum as their lead single. “What the fuck have you been doing to yourself?”

 

Mark’s head has stopped spinning around enough for him to finally look up at Renjun. He’s not wearing his glasses but he still thinks he catches Renjun flinch mildly when he finally sees his face. He can only guess at how bad he looks. “What are you all doing here anyway?”. His throat is as dry as shit, he needs water.

 

A phone is shoved unceremoniously his nose and Mark goes a little cross eyed before he focuses on a bunch of messages, all sent at around 4am.

 

_doyoun._

_doyongy huyng._

_Its not wokring im losing it i cant do_

_thos_

_hiung_

_this_

_is it this is_

_FUCK_

_fuck haechan_

_!!!!!!!_

_fuck haechaN!!!_

_fuck hachan ffck haehcn fcj haecha funci jaecj fucka haecj fuckhaechanfucjhaechsnfuckhachfuc FUCK HAECHA FUCHAECHAN!!! FUCK HIM!!!! FUCK_

 

“Oh.”

 

_

 

His bandmates are all sitting around the table, steaming pancakes mostly ignored as they passed around the photographic evidence of his alcohol and sleep deprivation fueled breakdown. Mark just stares at the sealing, willing the fog in his head to clear a little, and in any case it was probably best not to say anything. It was pretty damning.

 

“Huh.” Jeno’s voice is even, fairly non-judgemental, and Mark cocks his head to look at him through one bleary eye. “I thought we weren’t calling him that,” he adds, exchanging a dry glance with Renjun. Mark shifts uncomfortably, looking away. Jaemin huffs, folding his arms.

 

“Yeah. What did they decide on... wasn't it Traitorous Bitch or something?” Renjun’s smirking slightly at Jaemin now, who’s set his jaw hard, mulish. Jeno beside him looks unperturbed by everything going on, drizzling honey on his pancakes. Mark can’t read Jeno. But he hasn’t really been able to read his best friend in over a year, so that’s not exactly new. Truth be told, Mark thinks Jeno has taken the last two months the best, which would make sense considering how awkwardly things had ended between him and Donghyuck, but also wonders if it’s to do with how good Yangyang is for him right now. Maybe that’s what Mark needs. A relationship. Something to make sense of.

 

Jisung speaks up, interrupting Mark’s thoughts. His voice is quiet and steady but Mark can hear the faintest tremor. “Can we.... Can we please talk about It now?” He looks around at all his hyungs and even Jaemin can’t meet his gaze. Jisung just pleads again. "Please."

 

Mark doesn't know how to meet his eyes. He feels fatigue wash over him again for the nth, uncountable time in the past few weeks. He still doesn’t have the words.  

 

Renjun seems to, though. “There’s nothing more to say, Jisung.” His voice isn’t as hard as it was the day Donghyuck let them know he was moving to LA, permanently. It’s just defeated now. Resigned.

 

“Renjun’s right. Hyuck’s made his choice,” Jaemin bites, his voice still laced with anger. Mark tries not to flinch at the nickname.

 

“So what? We’re just going to let him walk out of our lives like that?” Jisung’s voice rises at the end, tremor more clear now, clearly anxious. Mark notices his hand tremble for the first time in months, but thankfully Chenle notices it too and grabs it tight, smiling at him firmly. Jisung takes a moment to breathe in deeply, and Mark feels like shit, even more so than usual. He hadn’t really been checking up on Jisung, he usually relied on… Donghyuck, to follow things like this.

 

Mark clears his throat and everyone turns around to look at him, and he suddenly feels how frail all this is. Them, in his kitchen. Everything they were working for. The band. For a moment his throat closes up, but then it passes, as it always does, and he has to speak. Lead or whatever.

 

“I’m sorry I’ve been so…” _Useless “..._ out of it. Lately.” His stomach rolls with the guilt, but he continues. “I know what happened has been difficult for all of us and we’ve all had different reactions, and I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s all valid. And that we all get to choose how we want to go forward from here.” Mark smiles and swallows down on the bile in his throat. “I’m sorry I haven’t really been here for you guys.”

 

It’s Chenle who reaches out to place his hand over Mark’s. “Mark. Don’t apologize. We’re worried about _you_.”

 

Mark pulls back his hand and tries to stop it curling into a fist. “I’m fine.”

 

It’s Renjun who responds this time, hesitantly. “Mark… Your messages don’t sound like you are. You don’t look like you are,” he trails off, voice laced with concern.

 

“I had to convince Doyoung not to fly down and that we could handle it,” Jaemin adds, “Granted, I think if he left the visit with the in-laws early, Joy would skin him alive, but still…. You’ve never been this bad, Mark. Not even when Yeri dumped you.”

 

Mark feels his spine go stiff. “What the _fuck_ has that got to do with anything?” Jaemin’s eyes go saucer wide at the venom in Mark’s voice, and he puts his hands up, in supplication.

 

 _Shit._ Shit _._

 

Mark passes a hand over his eyes and tries to calm his breathing. He has to control himself. This was getting ridiculous. He looks back up to see his bandmates looking a little shell-shocked.

 

“Shit… Shit. I’m sorry Jaemin. I’m really sorry. I haven’t been able to sleep at all over the past few weeks. And it’s got nothing to do with Haechan,” Mark adds hastily and he sees Jeno’s eyebrows go flying up to the ceiling. He has to say it. He feels ill. He takes in a deep breath. They all lean forward.

 

“... I have writer’s block.”

 

There is a few seconds of pin drop silence. Jaemin lets out a snort, leaning back into his chair. Renjun closes his eyes, pained. Jisung and Chenle just look at each other.

 

Jeno just sighs. “You’re as bad as he is.” He gets a few curious glances but doesn’t elaborate further and Mark is glad for one thing at least.

 

"It really isn't about him," Mark repeats himself. There's a pained silence and Mark tries not to recoil in on himself at the pity in his bandmates eyes. He looks away. “Look guys… I’ll be fine. Just give me sometime to get over the block and start writing and it’ll be fine. It’s fine.”

 

“Say fine one more time,” Renjun replies dryly, but kindly. “In any case, I’m glad he timed his leaving during the break. I guess. Anyway, don’t over do it Mark, we don’t have to do anything right now. The third album doesn’t have to come out anytime soon. Focus on something else, Mark.”

 

 _Like what?_ , Mark wants to say. He doesn’t have anything else. He’s never really had anything else and he’s terrified. The blankness on the pages of his notebook scream at him every time he looks. “Right. Of course.” Mark tries and fails to keep the smile on his face, and he hopes he's convincing.

 

They don’t seem to be too bowled over by his thin attempts at placation. They all look at each other and then Jisung, some sort of silent conversation going on between him and Renjun. And then Jisung sits up straight, pivots around to awkwardly clasps Mark’s shoulder. “I’m going to stay with you today.”  _To stop you from breaking down further_ , his eyes say.

 

 _Christ._  And it's a minor humiliation on top of many but the morning's drained him. He’s too weak to fight it. So he just nods and covers his face with his hands.  _Why not._ Honestly he deserves this. He can feel the others moving around to leave, hands ruffling his hair and he can't do more than just nod as they leave his apartment. He just sits in his kitchen, trying not to think too much. 

 

Mark finally realises after a while that Jisung’s hand is still on his shoulder, the weight of it heavy and warm. Mark finally opens his eyes to look but Jisung isn’t even looking at him. Jisung is just looking at the ugly ceramic rooster that, _oh_ , Donghyuck bought for Mark’s housewarming 9 months ago. Mark stops breathing for a second again.

 

Jisung finally speaks up. “Hyung,” and Mark turns to look at him and his eyes are shiny and he can’t look away, “I miss Hyuck.”

 

He should say something. He needs to say something. But instead Mark finally stands up, and walks away, wordless.

 

Yet again.

 

  



	2. Chapter 2

“Here. You’re housewarming gift.” A nondescript grey plastic bag is dropped unceremoniously on Mark’s kitchen counter and something about the way Hyuck’s grinning and Jeno is trying to stifle a smile has him a little scared. Curiosity wins out, however. 

 

He opens the bag. It was a mistake. He lets out a scream. Just a tiny little one.

 

The ugliest ceramic chicken Mark has ever seen on his counter stares back at him, unfazed, beady little eyes watching his every move. Hyuck is currently bent over with laughter over one of Mark’s barstools, Jeno draped over his back hiding, and giggling. A flicker of true irritation passes over Mark, and he ignores it. 

 

Mark’s scream brings Renjun and Jaemin from where they were setting up party decorations, and Jaemin yelps at the sight of the chicken. 

 

Renjun, of course, finds it fucking hilarious. “That is the ugliest thing I have ever fucking seen,” he says, almost admiringly, picking up the monstrosity. “Where the fuck did you find it?”  

 

“Farmer’s market. Jeno dragged me along.” Hyuck says, rolling his eyes. “Anyway. Don’t you think it looks like Mark? A little?”

 

Renjun angles it and- Ah. Yup. There it is. 

 

Mark tries not to pout, as the others start doubling up over in laughter again. He’s not sure he succeeds though. He makes the mistake of meeting Hyuck’s eyes, and they crease up at the corners at whatever he sees on Mark’s face. Mark waits for a second for the pinch but it never comes. Instead Hyuck just crinkles up his nose. “Cute,” he smiles, and Mark wonders why it feels just the same. 

 

Mark hears Jaemin whistles lightly behind him, and his ears burn. But Jaemin’s just looking at the chicken. “Ji’s not gonna be happy with that. Wait. Where is she, anyway?” 

 

Uh Oh. 

 

“Um. We broke up.” For once, Mark seems to have shut all of them up. Completely. Truthfully Mark knows they’re trying not to sing  _ Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead _ to his face and he appreciates the kindness.

 

Renjun’s the first to respond. “Oh,” he says, voice soft. “Who could have seen that coming?” Anyone who didn’t know Renjun well enough would have missed the faintest hint of mockery in is tone. Mark snorts and it breaks the weird tension in the room, everyone now giggling except Jeno, who’s just smiling, a little strained.

 

“Wow, tell me how you really feel.” Mark, laughs, not entirely without a little bitterness, but he gets it. Ji wasn’t easy for anyone to handle, let alone his band members, who she despised. Unfortunately, not everyone was like Yeri. 

 

“Honestly, I don’t know why she didn’t break it off after that first listening session. Or when it became a meme,” Jaemin giggles, referring to the minor uproar on twitter over the lyrics to Baby Don’t Like It.

 

Mark feels his whole face burn this time, and he sees Hyuck put the pieces together in a nanosecond  out of the corner of his eye. 

 

“She broke up with you when the album dropped, didn’t she?” he asks, voice low. He’s not smiling like the others, face uncharacteristically blank, but his eyes are so singularly focused one Mark’s that he has to look away.

 

The truth’s probably written all over his face. Mark’s never been good with outright lying. 

 

“Wait. You’ve been broken up for almost two months and you didn’t say anything?” Renjun asks, voice rising indignantly. Jeno lets out a bark of astonished laughter.

 

Jaemin scoffs. “Can’t you see, Junie? He’s clearly too broken up about it to say a word,” he says, rolling his eyes. 

 

Mark rubs the back of his neck, thoroughly embarrassed. “I didn’t know how to bring it up.” Or he just didn’t want to think about it. Or the things she said to him that night in the limo coming back. Mark tries not to look at Hyuck, though he can feel his gaze boring into him.

 

Jeno gets it though, straight on.“He probably just doesn’t want to acknowledge it.” Jeno says, quietly, and something in his voice makes Mark look up at him. Jeno’s face looks a little strange, and Mark would almost say he looks mad, but in the next second he’s smiling again, classic Jeno. Mark’s not sure the smile reaches his eyes though.

 

Renjun mutters something and then coughs, loudly. Mark thinks he might’ve heard “idiot” there somewhere.  Mark tries not to deflate further. 

 

All of it must get to Jaemin because he claps his hands loudly, 100 watt smile back in place. Everyone turns to stare at him. The grin widens further, now shark-like. “Do you know what we need?” He asks, glint in his eyes. “Soju! Let’s drink our fucking faces off.”

 

Hyuck giggles, and Renjun sighs loudly. Mark quietly thanks god for Jaemin.

 

Jeno just shakes his head and wraps his hand around Hyuck’s waist, pulling him towards the door to the living room, and the casual proprietariness has Mark needing the alcohol, right this second.

 

Hyuck calls out to him as he’s walking out. “Don’t get too drunk, dumbass!” 

 

Mark tries not to laugh.

 

\--

 

“Mark. Oh sweetie. You are so drunk.” Mark pivots to where the voice is coming from to issue a firm denial but overshoots it, stumbling backwards over the couch and landing headfirst in someone’s lap. The face becomes clear after a few seconds blinking, and it’s Jaehyun, eyebrows at his hairline. Mark thinks it’s all so great that  _ darling _ Jaehyun handles his liquor so well but not everyone’s the same. But Jaehyun then smiles down on him and Mark remembers that he actually loves Jaehyun. 

 

“Jaehyun…. I love you so much,” Mark slurs, before remembering to add the most important word.  “Bro.” 

 

“Same to you.... Bro, ”Jaehyun grins. Mark wants to poke at the dimples, but Jaehyun easily thwarts his attempts, batting away at Mark’s sluggish hands. He then looks away to the corner, clearly signalling someone, and Doyoung is suddenly there, all in Mark’s face, mouth pinched with disapproval and Mark groans. 

 

He’s unceremoniously hauled up and another sweetly smiling face is next to him and it’s Jungwoo. Mark points at Jungwoo. “It’s Jungwoo!” Oh that was probably the voice he heard earlier.

 

“Oh, Jesus.” 

 

Another face pops up. “Jisung!” Mark exclaims. Oh and- “Chenle!”

 

Jisung looks at Doyoung and shakes his head and then Chenle there, supporting him out to the front yard, where more of the party is going on. Jisung’s on his other side, also propping him up and Mark is so,  _ so _ happy that they’re there. “I’m so,  _ so _ happy that you guys made it,” Mark grins up at them, as they settled him down on one of the chairs set up near the dance area. 

 

Chenle giggles. “Hyung, you’re so funny,” he says, patting Mark’s head and Mark’s too drunk to shy away. “All of our exams finished, where else would we be.” 

Jisung fidgets in his seat and Mark laughs because he knows exactly what he wants to be doing. “Go up and dance or whatever. Both of you. I can see the others out there.” Thankfully it doesn’t take much to make them go and Mark just sits there, content to just be still and not have his head spin around. Other people come by and check up on him and Mark can feel a little faint embarrassment, which likely be major embarrassment by tomorrow, but mostly he’s just happy. For the first time in weeks he’s pleased, because for a moment, everything feels like it’s going exactly to plan, and that everyone is where they’re supposed to be. 

 

Mark just watches them. Jisung and Chenle were in a makeshift dance off on the side with some of the girls from LOONA, and Mark wants to giggle because they were clearly losing to the short blonde one, who was furiously krumping to Missy Elliot to the awe and mild fear of everyone around her. Renjun was passing around a joint with Sicheng and a few others in the corner, probably discussing some conspiracy theory or other, by the way he was gesturing with his hands. Jaemin, of course, was dancing with someone or someone(s), already grinding by the looks of it, and Mark wants to laugh before he realises Haech is in the group.

 

It was nothing new, to be honest. Mark’s seen it enough times. Jaemin and Haech loved to egg each other on, especially at parties,  _ especially _ when dancing, especially when they were trying to pull, like schoolgirls at a high school party trying to attract attention. Except it’s not all about attention for them. Mark’s seen them hook up enough times in the past to be firmly scarred for life. Which was the exactly the issue. Mark’s not seen them be like this since their years in college. And Jeno. 

 

Mark can’t really look away from it either, Jaemin getting up close and fairly personal to some girl Mark can’t see, before reaching over her shoulder to pull Haech closer on the other side, Haechan leaning in to press his forehead against Jaemin’s heavily. The three of them were swaying together, sweaty and clingy, a growing smirking on Jaemin’s face, and then Haech bites his lip. Mark’s mouth goes bone dry. And suddenly he’s turning his head, to look straight at Mark and Mark stops breathing for a second. Then a glass of water is shoved unceremoniously under his nose and Mark looks to see Jeno standing next to him and oh, right, Hyuck wasn’t looking at him at all. He was looking at Jeno. Mark feels a little light-headed again.

 

“Thanks,” Mark says, feeling horribly awkward. Mark realises suddenly that he hasn’t really spoken that closely with Jeno in a while. Mostly since he and Hyuck started dating. He feels a little lost.

 

Jeno is about the same as he ever is, smiling, eyes turned up. “No problem. You feeling okay?” He asks, settling down next to Mark. Mark’s now just feeling oddly awful.

 

“Yeah, fine,” Mark lies, head still spinning ever so slightly. Jeno smiles cheerfully at him, and then looks back at the direction of Hyuck, winking, and Mark can’t help but look back to the dance floor. Hyuck is still in the same position as he was just before but instead he’s smiling softly at Jeno, head resting on the girls’ back. Mark tries to stop himself from asking, but he can’t. “Jeno. What the fuck is going on?”

 

Jeno just giggles. “Mark. That’s Doyeon,” he says, pointing, and Mark looks back and, oh, right. 

 

The realisation hits him, and he giggles too, watching as Hyuck extricates himself from the furious make out session now happening between Jaemin and Doyeon. “Who is he helping out here? Doyeon or Jaemin? “ He asks, grinning back at Jeno, who lets out a bark of laughter.

 

“Doyeon, he still feels guilty,” Jeno replies, soft smile turning into a smirk. “He broke off that initial hookup by telling her that he wasn’t ‘sure if he was bisexual enough for this’,” he stage whispers to Mark, and Mark doubles up in laughter.

 

“She took it pretty well to be honest.” Mark turns around to see Haechan in front of them, out of breath, grinning slightly, just as he snatches Mark’s glass of water into his own hands. He’s sweaty and glowing gold in the dim lights of Mark’s front yard, radiating heat that Mark could feel from where he was sitting.  _ He really is the sun,  _ Mark thinks briefly, and he giggles at his own foolishness. Haechan just gives him a questioning look, but Mark can sense the fondness behind it, so he just smiles wider. Haechan shake his head smiling, and then starts drinking from Mark’s glass, obviously a little tipsy because the water spills a little, trailing down his neck, glistening. And Mark realises he’s staring. Like an idiot.  So he looks away, only to find Jeno, not looking at Haechan, but at him. 

 

Jeno’s the first one to break the eye contact, and he smiles back up at Haechan, but it’s not reaching his eyes again. Haechan doesn’t even notice. He’s too busy panting in the cool air of Mark’s backyard, head thrown back and looking radiant and Mark has to look away again, his throat tight. 

 

“Why’d you break up with Ji?’ Jeno’s voice is quiet, so quiet that Mark almost didn’t catch it. He looks at Jeno, but Jeno’s just staring at Haechan, who’s still trying to cool down in the light breeze. He’s not smiling anymore.

 

“She broke up with me,” Mark replies, just as quiet. He feels lightheaded again.

 

“What are you two losers talking about?” Haechan asks, eyes narrowed slightly in curiosity. Mark’s suddenly very grateful that Haech is drunk, because  otherwise he would have picked up on what was happening. Instead Mark watches Haechan quickly loses interest in what they were talking about, as the expression on his face devolves into a pout. He already knows what Haechan’s gonna ask.

 

Haechan steps forward and yanks them up from their chairs. “Let’s dance!” He whines, tugging at their arms, jumping up and down lightly,  and Mark’s kind of powerless against this Hyuck. So is Jeno, as he’s always been, and even he finally relaxes as Haechan pulls them to the the throng of sweaty, pulsating, overheated bodies. Mark can’t look at Jeno and can’t look at Haechan and he’s panicking a little, feeling off-kilter but then Renjun pops up next to him, out of nowhere, doing this odd, stupid little shimmy while throwing finger guns at Mark and Mark laughs. 

 

And then they’re all there, all seven of them, in a little circle, like the olden days where they would sneak Jisung and Chenle into the senior parties at college even though they were never ever really that interested and they would fuck around on the dancefloor, creating general havoc and Mark can’t stop laughing because they’re doing the same thing again, 3 years later, and everything’s kind of just as it used to be. Then there’s a surge around them and they’re all dancing, pressed up against each other, chanting to whatever song was playing and Mark feels light as air. He gets momentarily distracted when he sees Haechan and Jeno with their arms around each other but then Renjun and Jaemin jump on him from in front and they hug him while jumping and Mark can’t hear what they’re saying but he’s laughing jumping with them and then they let go of him. And then Haechan is there.

 

His makeup’s mussed, the eyeliner smudged to oblivion and he’s still glowing, glistening with sweat and he’s smiling up at Mark, his clammy hands at the nape of Mark’s neck pulling him forwards and Mark’s mind goes blank. But, no, he just places his lips at the angle of Mark’s jaw and he whispers and Mark tries not to shiver, but all he says is “I’m proud of you.” And he pulls back and grins and it’s blinding and Mark has to leave. So he runs.

 

He only makes it back to the living room before he’s cornered by Doyoung again. But it’s 2am and Doyoung looks beat and Mark can’t see Joy anywhere so he assumes Doyoung’s just going to say goodbye.

 

Instead Doyoung just sighs, and puts his hand on Mark’s shoulder and Mark’s a still little slow from the alcohol because he doesn’t understand what’s happening till Doyoung pulls him into a hug. They haven’t hugged in a while. Doyoung was in manager mode so much of the time that sometimes the fact that they were also friends got lost by the wayside. He kinda missed this.

 

Doyoung pulls back, and ruffles his hair. “I’m proud of you, kid.” Mark flinches. Doyoung doesn’t seem to notice though, and steps back looking at his phone, and Mark just walks away, because he’s had enough.

 

He goes upstairs to open the door to his bedroom and has to shut it again. He doesn’t know who it was clearly making out but he thinks he caught a glint of pink hair and that’s enough to make him want to burn his sheets. Which he can do tomorrow. He just wants to rest. 

 

He passes out on the guestroom bed.

 

\--

 

Mark wakes with a start, absolutely disoriented. His mouth tastes like sand and it takes a few minutes to realise he’s in the guest bedroom in his new house, on the bare mattress. And it’s still dark out, and he can hear music still playing so it’s likely that he’s only been out for half an hour at most. And he’s still just as drunk as before. He stares out the glass door to the balcony, wondering if there was anyway to yell out to crowd around the front of his house to please turn the music off and go home when he realises there’s someone there.

 

Mark quietly gets up to look. And, of course, it’s Haechan. Mark wants to laugh, Mark wants to cry, but the flicker of irritation that pops up dies before it goes anywhere because something’s wrong. Something about the way Haech is sitting, the way he’s curled up into himself, has Mark walking towards him before he even realises he’s doing so. 

 

Mark kneels down next to him, and Haech is so unaware of his presence, just blankly staring at his hands, it’s that that has Mark reaching out to hold them, worried. Only then does Haech stir, blinking owlishly, turning his head to finally recognise Mark next to him. Haech isn’t radiating heat anymore and his hands are cold and Mark rubs them together, trying to get some warmth back. The shirt Haech is wearing is so thin, Mark thinks, and after a few seconds he takes off the bomber he’s wearing to place around Haechan’s shoulders. Haechan barely moves through all of this, eyes still unfocused, and something is seriously wrong. Mark’s scared. 

 

“Haech,” Mark whispers, hand creeping up to cup Haechan’s cheek. Haech’s eyes flutter closed at the touch and he leans into Mark’s hand, and Mark can’t help the thought that pops up into his head. That he looks so pretty like this. And then Ji’s face pops up in his mind and her words swirl around his head and Mark tries not to flinch and pull back his hand. His other hand involuntarily tightens on around Haechan’s though and Haech’s eyes open again, and Mark can already see that his focus is coming back. His eyes are quietly searching as they look over Mark’s face, and Mark resists the urge to rub his thumb over Haechan’s cheekbone.

 

“What’s wrong?” Mark asks quietly, voice rough. Haechan’s eyes flutter shut again, Mark can’t help it. He rubs his thumb over the planes of Haechan’s brow bone and cheekbone, and tries to ignore every other voice in his head telling him this was a bad idea. Then Haech opens his eyes again and Mark finally recognises the expression in his eyes. They’re shining. Haechan is distraught. Mark feels something in his chest catch.

 

Suddenly Haechan pulls away from him and Mark is holding on to air. He looks at Haechan, in slight shock, and although Haechan looks as distressed as he did earlier, his mouth is now tight with anger. Mark tries not to reel from the whiplash. His face is smarting from how stupid he feels, so he slowly gets up, knees finally protesting the tiled floor. He pauses before he leaves the balcony, though, to look back at Haechan. He’s still sitting in the chair, now hugging his knees to his chest and Mark still feels his heart flip in his chest. 

 

He can’t stop himself from asking again. “What happened, Haech?”

 

Haechan laughs. Mark feels his chest tighten from the bitterness in it. Haechan turns around to look at Mark, and there’s a new bleakness in his eyes.

 

“Jeno broke up with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need someone to beta this lol, stat. Anyway this chapter spiralled out of my control a bit so yeah hmm. 
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/hyucklesberry)/[cc](https://curiouscat.me/hyucklesberry)

**Author's Note:**

> please talke to me! feel free to send me critique, questions and suggestions:
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/hyucklesberry)/[cc](https://curiouscat.me/hyucklesberry)


End file.
